OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
