I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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