that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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