you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
