I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
