You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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