At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
