my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
