Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
