I want to have your abortion
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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