I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we made out on top of his cat.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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