She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
