CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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