she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
