Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am available for nakedness
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His nipple licking is glorious
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