So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
