Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
