Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
