he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
