I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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