On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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