if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
