I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
