well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
