i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
