if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
