i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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