Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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