Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
