Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
