In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
