i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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