your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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