I cockslap morals
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
