I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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