I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
