Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
