"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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