Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
