What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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