She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
