Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
