I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
