Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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