it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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