that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
