I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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