people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
