Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
