Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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