Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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