hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
