I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
