So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
