dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
