I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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