Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
