hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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