Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
