Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not ubering you a puppy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
