i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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