I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
