not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize