She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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