I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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