Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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