Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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