I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
